The Gift of Criticism
Hi friends – how do you tend to handle criticism? Last week I received some feedback that I was not allowing people in a certain group time to share their experiences. In the excitement of what I wanted to say, I cut someone off mid-sentence (not cool) and at times dominated the conversation (really not cool). I lacked self-awareness on the way I was showing up in the moment. As I did some personal inventory on what happened, I also noticed that I responded way differently now than I would have in the past.
What I would have done BEFORE learning coaching tools was to stay in a victim mindset. Years ago, I used to spend a lot of time in the ‘pity pit’, blaming others and feeling powerless to change. I’d get super defensive, and wonder why others were picking on me. I would complain, feel ashamed, and think I was being treated unfairly. I focused on what was wrong with them. I allowed circumstances to shape and control me into who I didn’t want to be. I would often think “I can’t do this anymore.”
However, what I now do AFTER coaching is to get immediately out of that pity pit. I’ve learned to actually appreciate what seems like criticism, because I use it as a growth opportunity. When I do this, I’m better able to see where I’m wrong, take responsibility and consider what I need to do to course correct. I feel hopeful and empowered to have something practical to work on. I focus on what’s wrong with me. I intentionally decide to allow circumstances to shape me into who I want to become. I like to think “With Jesus’ help, I can find a solution.”
Victimhood can easily become a part of our identity – and we’re often not aware of it. It’s a learned behavior that’s tied to a defense mechanism, which has enabled us to cope with difficult life events. Whenever we allow ourselves to become wounded and angered, it leaves us feeling confused and conflicted. Feeling sorry for ourselves negatively impacts the relationships around us, including our walk with God. But when we learn how to take ownership for what we’ve done and evaluate what we can do differently, everything around us changes for the better.
Oswald Chambers once said: “Lord, deliver me from the luxury of self-pity. Luxury? Well, it really is a luxury – you just sit back, and bathe in it, like a bubble pity bath.” When we deal with things His way, we can face situations with raw honesty, and in humility. I love the verse in Philippians 2:5 we are told to have the mind of Christ. When we do, we find ourselves able to take responsibility for our mistakes, with grace (lots of this, please!). We begin to see criticism as a gift, as we invite God to use it to shape us and mold us more like Him. Do you find yourself stuck in the pity pit? I’ve been there too. If you need a helping hand to get up and out of it, reach out – I’d really love to help.
Coaching Connection:
- How do you tend to respond to criticism?
- What helps you get out of the pity pit?
To Your Growth,
Image by Lunglee from Getty Images
I needed to read this last week. It was very timely and helped me get out of the pity pit much quicker than I usually do. I was also able to re-evaluate my response to criticism and separate my emotions from the situation. Thank you for sharing your experience.