The Pity Pit
Life isn’t easy, and each day often brings new challenges – some of which can be deeply painful or even traumatic. While everyone experiences hardship differently, one truth stands out: it’s not what happens TO us, but what we DO with what happens to us. In the face of difficulty, it’s easy to allow ourselves to fall into self-pity (something I’ve done myself too many times to count.) When we’re hurting, we may not even realize how stuck we’ve become in a mindset that keeps us from healing.
This “Pity Pit” is a place everyone goes to at times, where negative emotions swirl endlessly. We dwell on our pain, seek sympathy instead of solutions, and begin to see ourselves as victims. Anger and bitterness take root. We focus more on what’s wrong around us – and in others – than on what needs to change within. As long as we stay there, it’s hard to gain the clarity or courage needed to move forward.
Praise God that there is a way out! Imagine a rope ladder in that pit: each rung represents a small but powerful shift in mindset or behavior. The first one is often recognizing and interrupting negative thought patterns. Then comes intentionally focusing on the good (however small it may be) in your life. Practicing self compassion and gradually shifting your focus outward continues to bring you out of the pit. Turning to God in prayer, seeking insight through Scripture, and asking the Holy Spirit for strength to keeps you going.
Understanding the source of self-pity and the thoughts fueling it is another vital move forward. Often, we need the help of a “trusted advisor”. This is someone who won’t simply commiserate with us but lovingly offers truth and perspective. The Bible highlights the value of such people, those who extend a steadying hand rather than sinking down with you: “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” (Proverbs 12:15). The insight of others shine a new light on what feels like a hopeless situation.
Ultimately, healing from the painful things in life means challenging your negative beliefs, reframing your perspective, forgiving yourself and others, while speaking truthful words to yourself with kindness. If you find yourself in the Pity Pit, remember the ladder is always there. Each little step you take to get out is progress. And while you may occasionally slip, the key is to keep reaching for the next rung. With persistence, honesty and God’s help, you can climb out of the pit. I’m a living testimony to this reality!
Coaching Connection:
- How can you tell you’ve landed in the Pity Pit?
- What helps you get out?
To Your Growth,
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